The McCain campaign is getting pretty desperate. So desperate, in fact, that they have agreed to let me speak to the senator from Arizona.
What are your plans for making a late comeback and winning the presidency?
There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
The Obama campaign has painted a picture of you as being too old and out of touch. How do you respond to such accusations?
Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answers to all the important questions.
Senator McCain, that flag behind you only has 49 stars.
I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri!
What do you propose to do in the event of a national emergency?
The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more than a few.
What is your take on the perception of increased power of the office of the presidency?
Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!
If you are elected, it will be with a rather sizeable Democratic edge in both the House and the Senate. How would you handle working with a legislative side of the government filled with members of the opposing party?
One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time we went over to Shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time...You couldn’t get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones… Now where was I?...Oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time, you couldn’t get those...
Oh, so you plan on using a filibuster. Well I appreciate you taking the time to talk to us, Senator McCain, and good luck in the election.
You know, I thought I was too old. I thought my time had passed. I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children.
Senator McCain, your staff is telling me that the time allotted for your interview is over.
Alright I'm going. It's cold and my head hurts.
1 comment:
"Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. Weren’t much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. 'A!' he’d say, then 'B'. 'C' would usually follow."
Post a Comment