How to construct an “Around the Horn” Segment (and why these guys should run for office)

Featuring Jay Mariotti  

 

  and Woody Paige

Who will win the World Series?

Woody: The Phillies will win the World Series because they split in Tampa, stealing home field advantage, and my inside sources say that the team that does that wins more often.

Jay: You’re an idiot. The Phillies have to win the next three, because there’s no way they’re going to win if the series gets back to Tampa.

 

Who is the greatest NFL team of all time?

Woody: I remember watching the 1940 Bears beat the Redskins 73-0 in the NFL Championship game. No one could beat them.

Jay: Woody, are you on drugs? 1940? That wasn’t the same game as today. The answers is this year’s unbeaten Titans, mark my words, they will do what the Patriots couldn’t do last year and go undefeated. 

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Woody: I like vanilla, just plain vanilla. Kind of like all of Jay’s answers.

Jay: Woody, you lie. Just last week you said you were a chocolate man.

 

Ok, so this is hackney and simple. I can do the same thing with presidential candidates.

How is the economy?

The system is broken and needs change. We can fix the system. Yes we can.

I believe that the fundamentals of our economy are strong.

 

Senator Obama, tell me about your childhood.

Obama: I was born in Hawaii to a woman from Kansas…

McCain: Don’t try to deceive the American public. My friends, that one was raised in a terror cell on the other half of the world, somewhere near Czechoslovakia or Korea or something like that.

Tell us about your tax plan

Obama: I want to cut taxes to ninety-fi…

McCain: There’s more of your elitist doublespeak. That one wants to raise your taxes, my friends. He just wants to crush Joe the Plumber as he spreads your wealth around, my friends.