Drink!
The age-old staple of the unemployed. It causes unemployment, helps fix the problem of having too much time on your hands by conveniently making you forget entire nights, and tastes delicious.
Whether you’re a classy drunk,
a girlie-drink drunk
or a frat boy,
there’s room for everyone. And when you drink, everyone’s your friend.*
*Disclaimer: not everyone is your friend. There are angry drunks who like to fight, rapists who try to slip pills into your drinks, and bartenders who try to make you pay them at the end of the night. Those bastards.
Of course, I could have just titled this post “Things to do” and left off the “when you’re unemployed” part. Drinking is fun for people of all ages.* Did you know you’re supposed to drink a glass and a half of red wine daily to improve your heart function? Well if that’s good, I wonder what an entire bottle of J&B does for my heart? I’m the healthiest guy around!
*Do not drink before you turn 21.
In business school, we discussed that social drinkers made more money than their tea toddling colleagues.* So, if I’m struggling for work, maybe this is a way to kick start my career and make up for lost time! After all, it worked for such great people as Ernest Hemingway and Winston Churchill.
*We never discussed how much of that excess money went to more alcohol.
2 comments:
a girlie-drink drunk
Mike, he's talking to you.
after all, it worked for such great people as Ernest Hemingway and Winston Churchill*
*Fun Fact: only 50% of those people killed themselves after drinking. The other 50% had depression, which may have been exacerbated by drinking.
yeah, I totally commented-while-intoxicated.
@ heather,
You're more of a buzzkill than Buzz Killington
Post a Comment