Half-white man elected to office

When reached for comment, a white man said, “I knew we could do it. This proves that the first 43 of them weren’t just luck.”

All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color.

--Bulworth

My Biology 101 textbook had a section about how we recognize beauty. It turns out, given the choice, we prefer a face with the most ordinary, bland, average features available to us. To prove it, the textbook had a picture of a face made from a computer program that took all the individual features of the face (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, etc.) and made them perfectly average, then put them on an average-shaped head with average hair. Aside from its startling resemblance to a brown-haired Keanu Reeves, it was generally agreed that this made for an attractive face.

The Supremacists have it all wrong. The perfect race isn’t white, or black, or Chinese, or Slavic. It’s all of the above, mixed to a jumble where we can’t tell Nordic from Nigerian.

The evidence is out there. The best golfer? Tiger Woods. The most beautiful woman in the world? Halle Berry. Most overrated shortstop? Derek Jeter.* Throw in athletes such as Jason Kidd, Rod Woodson, Mike Bibby, Dr. J’s illegitimate daughter, and you get what I mean.

*Yes, I know that was a cheap shot.

Barack Obama can lead us all into a new direction. In 200 years, we can all look like Lenny Kravitz.

In the meantime, I could sure go for some jungle love, Mercedes Hawkins style.

After all, it’s for the good of the country.