Bond Ratings

I am a big fan of James Bond. When the movies are on TV, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and watch them. Even the George Lazenby one. And I finally got around to seeing Quantum of Solace last night.

As for a “review,” let me say that it was good but could have been better. The pacing of the movie felt way off. The climax didn’t feel like a climax at all. The catharsis that all Bond movies end with didn’t feel right, mostly because the villain was too weak of a character. The good Bond villains have lots of set-up and exposition. The final “lair” that Bond villains love felt like a half-hearted attempt at a Dr. Evil-style lair with one quick throw-away line explaining its presence.

My biggest complaint is that all the action scenes had too many quick cuts. It’s hard to tell what’s going on when the director is too focused on adrenaline-charged glimpses of different aspects of the action. Those need to be counterbalanced with longer shots that show more details of the car chase, or the foot chase, or the shootout in the church. Mix in healthy use of the queasy cam and the “action” scenes didn’t work for me.

But that’s all the bad. The good news is that there was no laughably bad villain, no terrible acting, no gratuitous product placement, and all of those elements that make Bond movies fun. And Daniel Craig makes a good Bond. But how good? Let’s compare.

Sean Connery

Pros: Still the best Bond. There’s a sign on his tuxedo that says, “You have to be this cool to seduce girls simply by stating your name.” Also, he smoked and drank, because this was acceptable behavior from a superagent in the 1960s. Now you can just drink.

Cons:Too bad he couldn’t get along with producers and we were subject to George Lazenby and Roger Moore. On the bright side, producers saved the money it took to buy his toupee.

George Lazenby

Pros: That it only lasted for one movie. Other than that, um, nice ascot?

Cons: Seriously, what Bond movie would have him pretend to be a gay man named “Hilly” to get into a ski resort? That doesn’t sound like James Bond. That sounds like a bad sitcom. (Don’t tell CBS executives. They’d add a hot girl and advertise it during football and it would open with a 10-share rating.)

 

Roger Moore

Pros: Occasionally funny. Apparently related to Ian Flemming, so you know how he got the role. Appeared in lots of Bond movies, so you have to applaud his longevity, even if it’s because he couldn’t get any other roles worth watching (he had also been the lead in The Saint, another spy show).

Cons: Am I supposed to believe that guy seduced women at will? Into his 50s? He should’ve flipped roles with Christopher Lee in The Man with the Golden Gun. Lee’s 1000 times cooler, and he’s the better actor.

Timothy Dalton

Pros: You can say what you will about Dalton’s two Bond Movies, but they are still watchable to this day. They just weren’t Bond movies, especially to a legion of fans not old enough to remember before Roger Moore. They were, however, good spy movies. After Moore’s movies got goofier and more comedic, Dalton made the character edgier. Maybe he took that too far. The most amusing part of that is that, in his post-Bond career, Dalton’s best known for spoofing spy movies.

Cons: Missed the tone of the Bond series. Had movies with weak scripts and weaker villains. The villain from The Living Daylights was so bad that they reused the same actor to play Bond’s American ally in Goldeneye, and no one noticed.

Pierce Brosnan

Pros: Cool, suave, and great at the Bond sarcastic comment. Better than any predecessor since Connery, and has his own hair.

Cons: Not convincingly athletic enough to be James Bond. Even when he was getting tortured you couldn’t feel sorry for his smug British ass. Am I supposed to believe this guy was a commander in the navy? He looks like he has a daily manicure.

Daniel Craig

Pros: Maybe the best actor to play Bond. He’s also apparently working with the same personal trainer as LL Cool J. The guy is ripped.

Cons: Might be falling into the Timothy Dalton trap of being far too serious, especially in Quantum of Solace. Bond’s got to be funny; he understands the absurdity around him even as he’s being forced to fight a giant squid or die. In Quantum, I felt like I was watching Jason Bourne with a British accent.