Lie, and tell everyone that you are employed
I’m not sure this isn’t what your parents meant when they told you, “When you grow up, you can be whatever you want to be.”
It’s almost like a game. Go to a social gathering and tell everyone you do something different, and see if anyone calls you out on it. Or go to a bar and try to come up with the most outlandish, most impressive, or funniest profession to tell all the women.
“I’m an elevator repairman. It’s a surprisingly well-paid profession.”
“I’m the kick returner for the Kansas City Chiefs.”
“I play a millionaire at parties….at least I’d like to.”
Believe me, there’s nothing more satisfying than convincing a room filled with drunks that you were Nicholas Cage’s stuntman in Wicker Man. Meanwhile, the table on the other side of the room thinks you’re Lars Ulrich’s understudy on his current tour and that you look surprisingly different decked out in torn jeans and under stage lights.
This is a lot more fun than having an actual job to bore people with. Joe Sixpack can bore everyone with his stories about how he got the IT guy to reinstall the company’s merger software, but no one cares because they’re listening to you talk about the sting operation you planned on a drug baron.
Now if only you could get someone to pay you for your stories. Wait, scratch that idea. That would make you a con artist, and you don’t look good in a prison jumpsuit.
No comments:
Post a Comment