Today's Super Bowl Sunday. You know what that means: another excuse to drink until you think Brenda Warner is hot.
We're gonna need a bigger keg.
Here are some of my predictions for today's game.
- Al Michaels will sleep through the first quarter
- Anquan Boldin (v. 2.1) will have his face broken again, this time by Steelers' safety Ryan Clark.
- The only reason Bruce Springsteen agreed to finally do the Super Bowl halftime show is because it is being broadcast on NBC this year -- his drummer, Max Weinberg, is Conan O'Brien's bandleader. That, and the gigantic sack of money, have convinced Bruce to join the darkside.
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- Speaking of The Boss, I predict that the pyrotechnics, or possibly a baton-twirling cheerleader, will light his awful goatee on fire. The Just For Men Beard and Mustache coloring will cause the fire to spread quickly, killing Bruce before we realize he isn't just trying to sing the last note of "Born to Run."
- Upon throwing an interception, Kurt Warner will descend into a spiritual crisis, shouting, "Why God, why?"
- The Steelers will win, 27-17
- I will get the previous prediction wrong but disavow having ever made it.
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