tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83454118167301548032024-02-08T05:45:07.819-06:00A Highly Intelligent Shade of BlueThere are worse ways to waste your time. I think.Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-92110788973322775002010-08-29T23:28:00.001-05:002010-08-29T23:28:02.554-05:00The Internet is for Hate...<p>and bad grammar.</p> <p>Apologies to those who think <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-TA57L0kuc" target="_blank">otherwise</a>.</p> <p>There is no greater vehicle in the world for hate than the Internet. Most of the time I can't even read comment sections. They're full of flame wars and trolls. </p> <p>Trolls are great. While some people try to build bridges, they live under them and fling anonymous insults. Take <a href="http://www.ranyontheroyals.com/2010/07/abd-el-kader-and-massacre-of-damascus.html" target="_blank">this brilliant post</a>. It's from Rany Jazayerli's " Rany on the Royals" blog, which is usually about baseball. But he wrote one post on his ancestry, an heroic 19th century Muslim historical figure who risked his life in order to save Christians from massacre. The comments section is full of deserved praise for the writing -- and an anonymous poster who wrote "wouldn't this fit better on a 'Rany On The Sand N-----s' blog?"</p> <p>Sadly, this is the norm for the Internet. Any attempt at political discourse results in petty name calling. Read the comical comments section <a href="http://www.edgeofsports.com/2010-08-27-569/index.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Good god, people. Or check out any open comments section from a major newspaper. Pure. Hate.</p> <p>But what really set me off is Wikipedia. Check out <a href="http://wikibias.com/" target="_blank">this site</a> that a friend steered me to. It's trying to call out Wikipedia for some of its bullshit. The problem is, anyone can create or edit a Wikipedia page. This is great in theory, as it's a way to compile the massive amount of collective knowledge we have. But there's also a lot of collective hate, and it's uneven and irrational. More irrational than even I realized.</p> <p>Check out <a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-scandal-of-olivia-newtonjohn-12-surprisingly-c,2201/" target="_blank">this</a> old article from the AV Club, the Onion's non-satirical wing of entertainment junkies. The article is titled, "The scandal of Olivia Newton-John: 12 surprisingly controversial Wikipedia pages." </p> <p>For the uninitiated, you can set up a Wikipedia page on anything in minutes. You can also edit almost any Wikipedia page just as quickly. When "editors" disagree, there are processes that are meant to mediate what actually gets shown on the page. In the end, consensus usually wins out. In other words, popularity contest. And, on any controversial issue, that is a problem. Partisans can gang up. The truth is determined by a show of hands instead of, you know, the truth.</p> <p>This isn't a problem for things like why the sky is blue or how many movies Kevin Bacon has starred in. Causes, however, get muddled. Anything that could possibly be controversial gets muddled. And the Wikipedia talk pages are filled with some great hatred. They're often filled more with code words and rhetoric than the above shit, but the hatred is there. In droves. </p> <p>Why all the hate? I don't know why people hate, but they do. And it's really easy to hate someone you can't see typing from somewhere you don't know, especially when you can remain anonymous. A person isn't really a person when you can make up all the details about him in your mind. You can dehumanize someone you can't see.</p> <p>Which brings me to my point: Wikipedia should make any registered editor use his real name. Make him get a legitimate account. It's easy for me to walk all over someone named "spankmyballs69." It's much harder if I know his name is John Smith.</p> <p>I don't know how to implement this. Besides for hate, bad grammar, and porn, the Internet is also for fraud. Just ask my cousin, the Nigerian prince. Maybe make people use their driver's license numbers to verify. Maybe make any senior editor (or whatever they call them) actually <em>interview</em> for a prestigious roll. </p> <p>I don't know if it'll solve the problems. But I do know that Wikipedia has a problem. It's an Internet-wide problem but a site as influential as Wikipedia has a standard to live up to. It has great power, so it has great responsibility.</p> <p>Or, to put it in the proper language of the Internet, <em>I can has reponzibilty?</em></p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-89456232129988906262010-05-01T19:14:00.001-05:002010-05-01T19:14:33.735-05:00New Website Alert<p>Hey trusted readership. How are all three of you doing? </p> <p>I've decided to start a new website dedicated entirely to baseball. Check it out. I'll still drop by here for my pithy humor, political dribble, and the same bullshit you've come to love when it shows up in your RSS reader every few weeks, or every other day, or whenever I post. But all my baseball stuff that doesn't really fit here will go there, where I will try to post at more regular intervals. Really. I mean it.</p> <p>Anywhere, go <a href="http://thejunkballer.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">here</a>. Bookmark it. Read it. Love it. Comment. Mail me your bank account numbers. </p> <p>Once more, here is the address: <a title="http://thejunkballer.wordpress.com/" href="http://thejunkballer.wordpress.com/">http://thejunkballer.wordpress.com/</a>. Enjoy. And if you don't like it, don't complain. It's free content.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-14465962204797456472010-04-07T13:05:00.001-05:002010-04-07T13:05:41.189-05:00Baseball Thoughts<p>I watched lots of baseball the past two days. I'm a Royals fan, but I'd rather not talk about this year's opening day debacle. It looks to be another long season. Instead, I'll share some thoughts on last night's <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/TBA/TBA201004060.shtml" target="_blank">Rays-O's game</a>.</p> <ul> <li>Matt Wieters had an impressive at-bat, working the count before hitting a homerun. The most impressive part was that he was fooled on the pitch he hit out of the park -- he was way out in front of a changeup and swung with one hand. He's strong enough to hit a no-doubter with one hand. Also, I've heard that his bat can cure cancer.</li> <li>Even Longoria's homerun was even more impressive. He hit it 470 feet into the upper deck. On replay, it didn't even look like he got his hands fully extended. Scary. The ball was jumping at the Trop yesterday.</li> <li>The two closers were both Braves last year. Both struggled, as Rafael Soriano of the Rays escaped a bases-loaded scenario when Carl Crawford made a good play on a crushed line drive, then Mike Gonzalez of the Orioles blew a save.</li> <li>The Orioles' use of Mike Gonzalez drives me nuts. He's the nominal "closer," so he had to pitch the final three outs. Nevermind that he's left-handed and the first batter of the inning was Pat Burrell, who has made a career out of being good against lefties and average against righties. It also speaks volumes about how far Burrell has fallen that he was the only Ray that Gonzalez was able to retire. The next four guys all reached, and the Orioles lost the game.</li> <li>Intentional walks are normally stupid. Last night was no exception. In a one-run game with runners on second and third with one out, the Orioles walked the bases loaded. The logic behind the move is that the winning run was already on second, so a runner on first scoring means nothing, while it sets up a force out at home. The problem is that it puts the pitcher's back against a wall -- if he falls behind in the count, he cannot afford another walk because that would tie the game.</li> <li>The batter that got to hit after the intentional walk was Carl Crawford. Normally, it is not a good idea to intentionally walk a player in front of an All-Star. The Orioles must have felt that it was worth the above advantage along with the fact that Crawford hits left-handed, and Gonzalez is usually excellent against lefties. The other logical flaw is that Crawford is really fast, so that takes the probability of a game-saving double play out of the equation. Not that it mattered. Crawford ripped a 1-0 pitch to right for a double. Game over, Rays win, 4-3.</li> </ul> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-45697696814729975312010-03-31T16:57:00.001-05:002010-03-31T16:57:21.343-05:00Annual Baseball Prediction Debacle<p>It's that time of year again! Time for me to make bad, indefensible baseball predictions, promise to revisit them in October, then do no such thing. As usual, when these predictions look horrible before the All-Star break, I will deny ever having made them and will blame the <strike>cocaine</strike> cough syrup I am currently on.</p> <p> </p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="237"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="133"><strong>AL East</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="50">Wins</td> <td valign="top" width="52">Losses</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="132">Yankees</td> <td valign="top" width="53">97</td> <td valign="top" width="52">65</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="131">Red Sox</td> <td valign="top" width="55">95</td> <td valign="top" width="52">67</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="130">Rays</td> <td valign="top" width="57">93</td> <td valign="top" width="52">69</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="129">Orioles</td> <td valign="top" width="59">75</td> <td valign="top" width="52">87</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="129">Blue Jays</td> <td valign="top" width="60">67</td> <td valign="top" width="52">95</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="129"> </td> <td valign="top" width="61"> </td> <td valign="top" width="52"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128"><strong>AL Central</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="62"> </td> <td valign="top" width="52"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Twins</td> <td valign="top" width="63">87</td> <td valign="top" width="52">75</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Tigers</td> <td valign="top" width="63">81</td> <td valign="top" width="52">81</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Indians</td> <td valign="top" width="63">80</td> <td valign="top" width="52">82</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">White Sox</td> <td valign="top" width="63">80</td> <td valign="top" width="52">82</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Royals</td> <td valign="top" width="63">74</td> <td valign="top" width="52">88</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128"> </td> <td valign="top" width="63"> </td> <td valign="top" width="52"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128"><strong>AL West</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="63"> </td> <td valign="top" width="52"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Rangers</td> <td valign="top" width="63">89</td> <td valign="top" width="52">73</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Mariners</td> <td valign="top" width="63">85</td> <td valign="top" width="52">77</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Angels</td> <td valign="top" width="63">82</td> <td valign="top" width="52">80</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="128">Athletics</td> <td valign="top" width="63">75</td> <td valign="top" width="52">87</td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez</p> <p>AL Cy Young Award: Zack Grienke*</p> <p>AL Rookie of the Year: Brian Matusz</p> <p>*<em>I was a big believer in Cliff Lee this offseason, but he is currently battling a strained oblique, the kind of injury that may or may not linger. He also had foot surgery this offseason. However, given his pitching style, a move to SafeCo field in Seattle with the best defense in baseball behind him makes Lee a dangerous pitcher.</em></p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="222"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="110"><strong>NL East</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="52"><strong>Wins</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="58"><strong>Losses</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="106">Phillies</td> <td valign="top" width="55">90</td> <td valign="top" width="58">72</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="105">Braves</td> <td valign="top" width="57">85</td> <td valign="top" width="58">77</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="104">Marlins</td> <td valign="top" width="59">80</td> <td valign="top" width="58">82</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="103">Mets</td> <td valign="top" width="60">74</td> <td valign="top" width="58">88</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="103">Nationals</td> <td valign="top" width="61">72</td> <td valign="top" width="58">90</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102"> </td> <td valign="top" width="62"> </td> <td valign="top" width="58"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102"><strong>NL Central</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="62"> </td> <td valign="top" width="58"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Cardinals</td> <td valign="top" width="62">87</td> <td valign="top" width="58">75</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Reds</td> <td valign="top" width="62">85</td> <td valign="top" width="58">77</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Cubs</td> <td valign="top" width="62">84</td> <td valign="top" width="58">78</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Brewers</td> <td valign="top" width="62">79</td> <td valign="top" width="58">83</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Pirates</td> <td valign="top" width="62">73</td> <td valign="top" width="58">89</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Astros</td> <td valign="top" width="62">67</td> <td valign="top" width="58">95</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102"> </td> <td valign="top" width="62"> </td> <td valign="top" width="58"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102"><strong>NL West</strong></td> <td valign="top" width="62"> </td> <td valign="top" width="58"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Rockies</td> <td valign="top" width="62">90</td> <td valign="top" width="58">72</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Dodgers</td> <td valign="top" width="62">85</td> <td valign="top" width="58">77</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Giants</td> <td valign="top" width="62">80</td> <td valign="top" width="58">82</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Diamondbacks</td> <td valign="top" width="62">74</td> <td valign="top" width="58">88</td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="102">Padres</td> <td valign="top" width="62">65</td> <td valign="top" width="58">97</td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>NL MVP: Albert Pujols. Again. Who else?</p> <p>NL Cy Young Award: Ubaldo Jiminez</p> <p>NL Rookie of the Year: Jason Hayward</p> <p> </p> <p>ALCS: Red Sox over Yankees</p> <p>NLCS: Rockies over Phillies</p> <p>World Series: Red Sox over Rockies</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-7676413530195216302010-03-30T15:23:00.001-05:002010-03-30T15:23:38.978-05:00Where is your money coming from?<p>The two biggest donors to the University of Kansas School of Business, as far as I can tell, represent Koch Industries and Phillip Anschutz. More on them in a minute. </p> <p>I spent two years at KU earning my MBA. I studied in the Anschutz library. The lobby of the business school building is named for Koch (pronounced "Coke") and it has nice little plaques and whatnot thanking Koch Industries. Representatives from Koch came to speak with us, recruit us, and to describe their business practices.</p> <p>Koch Industries is the second largest privately held company in America. They got their start in oil and natural gas and spread out to synthetic fibers made from petroleum derivatives. Lycra and Stainmaster are Koch products. From there, Koch diversified and started buying up other companies. While I was in school, Koch bought Georgia Pacific, the makers of Dixie cups and other paper products, and paid in <em>cash</em>. Koch has a lot of money coming in, although we don't know exatly how much because it's privately held and they don't have to disclose such numbers.</p> <p>Philip Anschutz has a similarly diverse portfolio, one that started with railroads. He has a hand in petroleum. He as the CEO of Qwest, a communications company. Anschutz is a man I find particularly evil. Fortune named him "America's Greediest Billionaire." According to the bastion of truth that is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Anschutz" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>, he:</p> <ul> <li>Helped fund <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorado">Colorado</a>'s 1992 Amendment 2, a ballot initiative designed to overturn local and state laws that prohibit discrimination against individuals on the basis of sexual orientation but was invalidated by <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romer_v._Evans">Romer v. Evans</a></i> after it passed.<sup><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Anschutz#cite_note-19">[20]</a></sup></li> <li>Helped fund the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discovery_Institute">Discovery Institute</a>, a think tank based in Seattle, Washington that promotes <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligent_design">intelligent design</a> and criticizes <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution">evolution</a>.<sup><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Anschutz#cite_note-nerve-20">[21]</a></sup></li> <li>Supported the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parents_Television_Council">Parents Television Council</a>, a group that protests against television indecency.</li> </ul> <p> </p> <p>So Anschutz uses his money to discriminate against gays, push his religious agenda in a war against science, and censor television. Nice.</p> <p>I bring all this up because of an <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brendan-demelle/greenpeace-unmasks-koch-i_b_518036.html" target="_blank">article</a> I just read in the <em>Huffington Post </em>detailing Koch's spending habits. It seems that the petroleum company has spent millions of dollars propping up questionable "studies" about the effects of climate change. Of course, Koch has obvious conflict of interests here. I want their business to stay out of my debates. </p> <p>There are questions that should be asked of the Al Gores of the world, but they shouldn't be asked by Koch. They should be asked by climatologists not oil barons who are paying people to call their opponents "Nazis," and "Hitler Youth" for their stances. </p> <p>Good thing I had the sense not to work for Koch when their recruiters came rolling through Lawrence. I wouldn't want to be contributing to this nonsense. </p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-48315489850680021702010-03-24T10:14:00.001-05:002010-03-24T10:14:10.130-05:00Money and baseball<p>There's a good discussion of the time-value of money over at <a href="http://www.baseballprospectus.com/article.php?articleid=10328" target="_blank">Baseball Prospectus</a>. If you want to understand long-term investments, or if you want to understand why the Twins feel they can pay a catcher $184 million despite being a mid-market team, this is a good start.</p> <p>That is all. </p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-62744095282594664092010-03-08T18:47:00.001-06:002010-03-08T18:47:29.623-06:00I don't know whether to laugh or to cry<p>Per <a href="http://www.royalsreview.com/2010/3/8/1363006/well-this-is-certainly-novel-news" target="_blank">Royals Review</a>, quoting TMZ:</p> <blockquote> <p>An ugly love triangle made its way to court today between <b><a href="http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/08/love-triangle-kansas-city-baseball-case-jason-kendall-rod-stewart-sean-stewart-adderall-attention-deficit-hyperactive-disorder/#">Rod Stewart</a></b>'s son, Sean Stewart, <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/teams/KAN">Kansas City Royals</a> catcher <b><a href="http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/players/702/Jason_Kendall">Jason Kendall</a></b> and his estranged wife, <b>Chantel</b>.</p> <p>TMZ was in court this AM as Kendall's lawyer made a bid to allow Kendall to take the divorcing couple's two kids to Kansas City for baseball season. <br />Chantel, who came to court with <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/08/love-triangle-kansas-city-baseball-case-jason-kendall-rod-stewart-sean-stewart-adderall-attention-deficit-hyperactive-disorder/#">boyfriend</a> Sean Stewart, is trying to block the move. There have been numerous accusations between Jason and Chantel of physical and emotional abuse. <br />Chantel has suggested in legal papers that Jason is overusing <b>Adderall</b>, which he says he's taking for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.</p> <p>Read more: <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/08/love-triangle-kansas-city-baseball-case-jason-kendall-rod-stewart-sean-stewart-adderall-attention-deficit-hyperactive-disorder/#ixzz0hcUg7MyA">http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/08/love-triangle-kansas-city-baseball-case-jason-kendall-rod-stewart-sean-stewart-adderall-attention-deficit-hyperactive-disorder/#ixzz0hcUg7MyA</a></p> <p> </p> </blockquote> <p>Wow. That is all.</p> <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:18feb2a2-6efb-42b9-a68e-c4540e681137" class="wlWriterSmartContent"><div><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uQng86EudNY&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uQng86EudNY&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></div></div> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-73146581027223571692010-03-05T20:40:00.001-06:002010-03-05T20:40:59.871-06:00If I had that mustache, I'd go batshit insane too.<div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:c46c6af9-e0f5-47be-924b-f9046fed969b" class="wlWriterSmartContent"><div><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ATMCbdKpKLU&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ATMCbdKpKLU&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></div></div> <p>Ever fascinate about climbing up a clock tower and picking people off?</p> <p>...no? Um, me neither.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-31215376754902812302010-03-04T08:25:00.001-06:002010-03-04T08:25:28.938-06:00Worst 24 hours ever?<p>In the past 24 hours, the following things have happened. Guess which one is made up:</p> <ul> <li>My best friend had his car broken into with his wallet and cell phone stolen</li> <li>My future mother-in-law lost her job</li> <li>My fiancee and I have been jerked around by her employer, to the point where we don't know which coast we will be living on in two weeks' time</li> <li>I got in a car accident with my brother-in-law's car, meaning the car will probably have to be replaced. My brother and I received minor injuries and are both quite sore (but thankfully no one was seriously hurt).</li> <li>My sister called me a jerk and asked how my fiancee even puts up with me</li> <li>I rode a unicorn through a rainbow made of puppies while drinking the nectar of the gods at a ceremony celebrating my awesomeness</li> </ul> <p>It's a bad day when the best thing that happens is that no one is seriously hurt. Also, it's apparently a bad day to be someone close to me.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-71780408862578616292010-03-01T19:34:00.001-06:002010-03-01T19:34:44.170-06:00Today in Fuck You<p><em>It's been a while since I've had a really vile,</em> <em>profanity</em>-<em>laced, self-indulging post. Today's target: <strong>United Airlines.</strong></em></p> <p>I've been on vacation in New Jersey for the last couple of days. So far, vacation is a strong word. More like visitation. I am visiting my pregnant sister and her two-year-old son while the man of the house is away on business. Today should be day four, but a little bit of snow closes the Newark airport for two days, apparently.</p> <p>I know this now. I'm not sure United has ever learned that lesson. On Thursday I made it to the airport in the early morning to make my flight. My sister called me while I was standing in line at security to tell me to stay home. The airport had canceled all flights for the day.</p> <p>The United employees did not know this. They shuffled me around until I found the only employee willing to help me. She changed my flight to the next day.</p> <p>Friday, I woke up and called my sister. She said it was still snowing, so I went to United's website. No word on closures. So I looked for the appropriate 800-number for United. Their customer service line has no appropriate button to press for changing reservations when there's bad weather. I waited on hold for 17 minutes, listening to the same Gershwin song come through a bad connection, interrupted only with advertisements. Like this is the best time to sell me shit. Or, for that matter, remind me that I am a paying customer.</p> <p>When I finally got through, I talked to a woman with a heavy Indian accent. I have no problem with outsourcing customer service. This is a free market. I do, however, wish that the person on the other end has command of the English language and the ability to communicate with me, without me having to say, "Beg your pardon? What? Could you repeat that? What did you say? Huh?" every other sentence. She also had not seen the weather report, as she had to take my word that it was indeed still snowing in Newark and that Continental had already canceled several flights into the airport. </p> <p>I should note that Continental and United share a common ownership.</p> <p>I was eventually able to change my flight, free of charge, and get here, which is nice, even if I had to sit in the middle row next to a guy coming back from the Olympics who had not bathed since he got there. But that's another story.</p> <p>In conclusion, fuck you United airlines!</p> <p> </p> <p><strong><em>Bonus Fuck You! Fuck you, Denver Airport!</em></strong></p> <p>I had a 50-minute layover in Denver. In that time, I needed lunch, since United no longer serves so much as peanuts without charging. Unfortunately, the Denver airport has no quick food options. There were three sit-down bars, which would've been nice if I had two more hours. Also, a Ben & Jerry's, a Haagen-Daas, and a TCBY. One would think that cold cities wouldn't need so much ice cream. Also, several out-of-place high-end mall stores, in case I needed to buy a new massaging chair. Even the McDonald's, which had a mile-high line, didn't have a value menu. So I could've gotten a three-dollar Big Mac, but I had to buy a drink if I also wanted fries. Strange. I settled on a hot dog from the Sara Lee place. Very disappointing. </p> <p>What would it take to get a fucking Sbarro, Denver? Or a Chipotle? It's based there, you know. Christ, I'd have settled for a Starbucks that sells bagels.</p> <p>In conclusion, fuck you Denver airport! </p> <p>While I am at it and apropos of nothing, fuck you Denver Broncos!</p> <p> </p> <p>There. I feel better.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-63724991513895298312010-02-26T16:18:00.001-06:002010-02-26T16:18:39.351-06:00At least it's warm here<p>Yesterday morning I woke up and went to the airport to fly from Sacramento to Newark, stopping in Denver along the way. If you're on the Eastern Seaboard, you know this didn't happen. Apparently the Newark airport shuts down if someone whispers "snow flurries," so I rescheduled my flight and got back in the car.</p> <p>Today I woke up at the asscrack of dawn to try again. This time I was smart enough to call my sister in Jersey and figure out that my flight would eventually be canceled again. So again I postponed my trip for another day. </p> <p>What I mean to say is, I should be throwing party tonight.</p> <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:fe0f1d78-01d3-43c7-b45d-2a9d799d932a" class="wlWriterSmartContent"><div><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SD1WrPEJiXE&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/SD1WrPEJiXE&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></div></div> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-24168930470709462632010-02-16T13:38:00.001-06:002010-02-16T13:38:18.595-06:00Happy Mardi Gras<p> </p> <p>Or, if you're like me and not lucky enough to be in New Orleans, happy Tuesday.</p> <p> </p> <p> <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:f3e4d0df-c1eb-44b0-b0ad-ac6bc888345d" class="wlWriterSmartContent"><div><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Qai3SfvSBgU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Qai3SfvSBgU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></div></div></p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-83590725220802842822010-02-03T14:20:00.001-06:002010-02-03T14:20:18.385-06:00Long, rambling football post you don't care about<p>So it's been a while since I've posted. I apologize to both of my readers.</p> <p>I like football. It makes a good excuse to gather with friends and strangers and drink beer while shouting at the TV on a Sunday. Or a Monday night. And some Thursdays, but only if you're lucky enough to have NFL Network. And all day Saturday, if you're a college football fan.</p> <p>So for the past few seasons my beloved Kansas City Chiefs have really sucked. They won four games in 2009 and it was an improvement. In 2008 they only had ten sacks. As a team. For the season. They then reached in the draft, taking Tyson Jackson about ten places before he deserved to go. And he didn't do much as a rookie --he was one of the worst defensive linemen  in the league according to <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/extra-points/2010/stat-day-dl-stop-rate-vs-run" target="_blank">this page</a> on FootballOutsiders.com. They traded a second round pick for QB Matt Cassel, gave him a huge contract, then watched him blossom into a mediocre passer. Not good days to be a KC fan.</p> <p>However, if the Chiefs follow my postseason plan below, they can get back to competing sooner than later. And thus I will have happy reasons to drink on Sundays, rather than drinking to forget. Here's what they need to do, in my opinion, with nice little bullet points to keep things organized.</p> <ul> <li><strong>Sign Free Agent DT Aubrayo Franklin</strong></li> </ul> <p>The Chiefs this past year switched to a base 3-4 defense, meaning they have three down linemen and four linebackers. They did this despite not really having a nose tackle. In a 3-4 defense, this is the most important position. He lines up over center, taking on the center and often another blocker. He operates on his own and needs to be able to take up space and force running backs outside and clog blockers, leaving the linebackers free to make tackles.</p> <p>All things told, Ron Edwards did a decent job for Kansas City last year. Franklin, however, was a beast for the 49ers. He didn't necessarily compile stats -- two sacks -- but that's not his job. He eats up blockers. Franklin can draw double teams. </p> <p>Young linemen Glenn Dorsey, Alex Magee, and Jackson could still all develop into above average players or even stars. Defensive linemen are historically slow to develop at the NFL level. But none of these guys can play nose tackle. </p> <ul> <li><strong>Replace safety Mike Brown and linebackers Demorrio Williams and Corey Mays</strong></li> </ul> <p>These were three of the worst players in football last year. Need proof? More <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/extra-points/2010/stat-day-pass-tackles-linebackers" target="_blank">Football</a> <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/extra-points/2010/stat-day-pass-tackles-safeties" target="_blank">Outsiders</a>. This is actually good news. If you can manage to replace them with even average players, the defense can improve by leaps and bounds. The Chiefs hold a bunch of draft picks and presumably have money to spend on free agents. </p> <p>I'm not entirely sure who all the replacements could be, but I have ideas...</p> <ul> <li><strong>Draft S Eric Berry in the first round</strong></li> </ul> <p>That is, if he's still available. It's possible, but it's also possible that he gets picked before KC has the chance to snatch him up. If not, that's ok. The Chiefs have lots of holes. That's how you get to be 4-12. An OT would allow them to move Brandon Albert to the right side of the line and shore up two positions on the offensive line. A linebacker would solve the lack of depth and youth there. But Berry is my first choice. </p> <p>Merely adding Berry and Franklin, while getting an average linebacker or two to replace Williams and Mays, could turn this porous defense into a good one. I expect Dorsey to improve. Jackson has nowhere to go but up. Tamba Hali was quietly very good, notching 8.5 sacks and 22 hurries. Brandon Flowers is a good cornerback. </p> <ul> <li><strong>Draft a RB and a kick returner in the 2nd or 3rd rounds</strong></li> </ul> <p>More than any other position, running backs can step in right away and contribute, so the place to get them is in the draft and not in free agency. Jamaal Charles was really good this past season, but I don't want to wear him out. He needs a caddy, another back to take some of the load off and to give the opposing defense a different look.</p> <p>The Chiefs have two 2nd round picks and three fifth rounders that can be used to trade up.</p> <ul> <li><strong>Above all, draft the best player, not necessarily for need</strong></li> </ul> <p>The Chiefs have a ton of holes. Their draft strategy shouldn't be to luck out and plug the holes. It should be to get good players, as many as possible, then find places to put them. That way, they don't get stuck with Tyson Jackson at number three because there's a perceived need at DE. </p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-31289300462967607042009-08-29T21:53:00.001-05:002009-08-29T21:53:10.545-05:008-29-05<h4>Today is the four-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina ravaging the Gulf Coast. I thought I'd use this space to recreate that night as I remember it. So crack open an <a href="http://brewreviewcrew.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/abita-restoration-ale.jpg" target="_blank">Abita</a> and put your feet up.</h4> <p><em>If it keeps on rainin', the levee's gonna break</em>.</p> <p>I couldn't get that damn song out of my head. I paced up and down the house, singing it softly to myself (and anyone within earshot.  I had escaped with some friends and wound up at the childhood home of one of these friends, in Beaumont, Texas. This was not an unfamiliar place; we had fled tropical storms for much of my four years at Tulane and I had come here at least one before. We rushed out the door as if we had just gotten there. In fact, we had. Classes for the semester hadn't even started yet. </p> <p>Hurricanes are nothing unfamiliar to New Orleans. It seems that about once a year there is some alarming storm bearing down on the city, most of which sits below sea level and is protected by a horribly outdated and overmatched levee system. Everyone knows that a well-placed storm could wipe it off the face of the earth, turning this Southern port into a modern Atlantis. In typical New Orleans fashion, no one seemed to worry. Not that there was nothing to worry about, but there are so many better ways to spend time than worrying.</p> <p>Us students, though, we're not that hardened. We flee if a newsman whispers "hurricane." Well, most of us do. The locals, like my roommate Clay, don't panic so much. And some of the students try to stay. Most hurricane threats came with mandatory evacuation, but they would skirt the rules and lock themselves in their rooms, surviving on Doritos and Dr. Pepper. </p> <p>This hurricane threat was different, though. The lines for gas at the local Chevron station went around the block. Everyone who could was getting out. Later stories emerged about the tens of thousands of people left in the city. Very few of them were there by choice. Some had no transportation, some were unfit for travel, and a great many could not afford to. The hurricane struck right before payday and a huge proportion of impoverished New Orleans lives paycheck-to-paycheck. Travel is an expensive luxury.</p> <p>Besides, there were "catastrophic" storms bearing down on New Orleans all the time. </p> <p>We stayed up most of the night,  watching, on a television set in Texas, the rain pound New Orleans. Every now and again the camera would show a familiar building, only with the bottom three feet submerged. Or five feet. Or ten feet. The best word to describe that night is "surreal." Not horrifying, although it was that too. Or sad. Those emotions hadn't hit yet. It was simply surreal. </p> <p><em>If the levee breaks, we got no place to stay.</em></p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-74319903223271846742009-08-11T19:12:00.001-05:002009-08-11T19:12:06.955-05:00Adam narrates his life<p>Adam felt like he was living the same day over and over again. Not like in <i>Groundhog Day</i>, in part because he knew it was not <i>literally </i>the same day over and over again. Also, he knew it was not like that movie because he believes that, no matter what the circumstances, he could never fall for Andie McDowell. It could be the same miserable day in the same miserable Puxatony with the same miserable things happening at the same miserable time, every time, and he would not fall for her. Also, he knows that, unlike Bill Murray's character, he could not find constructive ways to better himself, like learning piano and poetry. He would likely find funny ways to kill himself, only to wake up the next day, as in the montage in the middle of the film. And that's only if the Internet and cable were out and he became forced to go outside and interact with the world.</p> <p>Anyway, Adam felt like he was having the same day over and over again. Part of it is the California weather. Ever since he came here, the weather has been constant. It's been pleasant, sure, but unchanging. Every day hits a temperature in the low 80s, every night is a bit chilly, there's always a howling wind, and it never, under any circumstance, rains. He never realized how much he'd missed the seasons. Adam always hated the hundred degree Kansas summers and he'd hated the zero degree winters twice as much. He'd hated how thunderstorms made his dog nervous, hail would put dents in the roof of his car, and his television shows interrupted by newscasters warning him of tornadoes that never came. Now, in the unchanging California weather, he found himself missing all that stuff. Maybe his mild fever is making him delirious. </p> <p>Today was another boring day in which nothing was accomplished for the out-of-work 20-something with two degrees and no experience. Just like yesterday. And the day before that. At least now he has the excuse of a fever to coop him up in the cozy apartment he shares with his girlfriend, who lately has been working hundred-hour weeks doing some job he doesn't really understand for a large, faceless corporation (the American government). Usually the excuse is the double-digit unemployment rate plaguing the State of California and the fact that all the best civilian jobs in the city go to those with military clearance or dependents of the military. Or another excuse, this one equally valid and just as partially-true, is that the finance world doesn't hire and may not exist anymore in this recession, which makes tough goings for a guy with an MBA in finance (and no experience). However, the biggest truth of it all might just be the crushing world, the weight of expectation, the sense that he is getting older and going nowhere, all combined with his personality traits of awkwardness, lack of confidence, and frequent fatigue. At least he has a sense of humor about it all. He's just not sure why anymore.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-31713901484959756682009-07-02T13:41:00.001-05:002009-07-02T13:41:36.155-05:00Whither Twitter?<p>When asked, on air, whether he Tweeted, baseball announcer/humorist Bob Uecker responded, "No, thankfully, they have medication for that now." Good call.</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Skz_P8l_64I/AAAAAAAAATw/1GxApWjTrps/s1600-h/image%5B2%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="92" alt="image" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Skz_Qg3gsvI/AAAAAAAAAT0/C-YclHNzwgc/image_thumb.png?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I don't get the "phenomenon." Mini posts, limited to 140 characters? "Convenient?" Why the hell would I want to limit myself to 140 characters? What can I say, or read, in 140 characters? Further, couldn't I just do that on this blog? I could update this blog from a cell phone just as easily as I could tweet. And I could do it using full sentences.</p> <p>Twitter is one of those phenomena created by people who don't understand it. Magazines put it on the cover because it sells like a supermodel or Michelle Obama. CNN uses it to stay "hip." Twitter is not hip. Twitter is what people who can't ever be hip use to try to stay hip.</p> <p>Twitter is also used by people trying to brand themselves. Real people have nothing to say in 140 characters. Brands can say things like, "omg, shooting green screen all day.  It's the wierdest thing we do." (Ashton Kutcher, the OMG added but believable.) </p> <p>Twitter is a great marketing tool*. You can get people to follow you on it and then pitch yourself to them several times a day, and some people will eat it right up. But you can't have any serious discourse on it. All you can do is make claims and  refute claims. It's like an Internet chat room with nothing but room for flame wars.</p> <p><em>*The greatest Twitter irony is that it serves primarily as a marketing tool, but can't turn a profit for itself.</em></p> <p>The fact is the media wants to be in on this social networking that's otherwise its undoing. So they report on the "new, hip" thing, press their own involvement, and start a trend. If I were an old guy who didn't know shit about social networking, but wanted to get involved for my business, I'd probably be drawn to Twitter. After all, it's been on the cover of all those magazines. And CNN talks about it constantly.</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Skz_Sc0lZGI/AAAAAAAAAT4/kmsdK8AhFik/s1600-h/image%5B8%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Skz_TLm9aNI/AAAAAAAAAT8/CbtdJ6eUmuk/image_thumb%5B2%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="185" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Skz_Vw6TjGI/AAAAAAAAAUA/nSI9SL5WY-U/s1600-h/image%5B11%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Skz_Xsx1VXI/AAAAAAAAAUE/eDIYAzEuJ0A/image_thumb%5B3%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="195" border="0" /></a></p> <p>I just don't see the big deal. Twitter is like Facebook with only status updates enabled. </p> <p>I also love the semantics. A single Twitter post is a Tweet. That's because saying, "I just Twittered," sounds dirty. Personally, I think the past tense should be Twat. As in, "I'm going up to to my room to get on my computer and Twat for the world to see."</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-37899182336501787302009-07-01T14:29:00.001-05:002009-07-01T14:29:30.353-05:00Don't ask...<p>Lost in the shuffle of celebrity deaths this week is, you know, relevant news. At least something more relevant than anything Farrah Fawcett has done in the past, oh, say, thirty years.</p> <p>Our armed forces is kicking out capable Americans. Decorated <a href="http://www.military.com/news/article/af-boots-decorated-pilot-for-being-gay.html" target="_blank">fighter pilots</a> and Arabic translators and fighters and soldiers, under <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_ask_don%27t_tell" target="_blank">Don't Ask Don't Tell</a>. This is nothing new. DADT has been on the books for sixteen years now. What is new is the length that we are going to for new recruits. It amazes me the kinds of people we let represent us to the world and the kinds of people we are kicking out.</p> <p>For instance, <a href="http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2009/06/15/neo_nazis_army/" target="_blank">this Salon piece</a> argues that our military has become a training and recruiting ground for white supremacists. And <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/apr/21/usa1" target="_blank">it is reported</a> that "moral waivers" are way up in military recruiting. A moral waiver is when the military lets someone in who otherwise would not qualify, such as an ex-felon. Does this mean that prison sex does not count as gay sex, or is somehow less offensive than gay sex?</p> <p>Let's do a comparison of who is allowed to represent the USA overseas while wearing a military uniform.</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku4zYKpzHI/AAAAAAAAATA/0294IU8sFLg/s1600-h/image%5B2%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="198" alt="image" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku40272QjI/AAAAAAAAATE/mJr7h0e87cQ/image_thumb.png?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> Former KKK leader David Duke: acceptable</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku42_wECjI/AAAAAAAAATI/_bPxmx-va_8/s1600-h/image%5B8%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="138" alt="image" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku44JofN4I/AAAAAAAAATM/fjbhSGSzSoo/image_thumb%5B2%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> Congressman Barney Frank: unacceptable</p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku47urPYWI/AAAAAAAAATQ/7UXYpmczlaY/s1600-h/image%5B11%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku49P1oXsI/AAAAAAAAATU/yieOCYAz5jw/image_thumb%5B3%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="198" border="0" /></a> Convicted felon: acceptable</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku49ynMfMI/AAAAAAAAATY/zhDVOj2MHtQ/s1600-h/image%5B14%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="134" alt="image" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku4-dNWZOI/AAAAAAAAATc/xcBODTUykdk/image_thumb%5B4%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="204" border="0" /></a> Recently outed Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbacht: unacceptable</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku5ASHVcAI/AAAAAAAAATg/cRqO_REDiMI/s1600-h/image%5B17%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku5BlHTZfI/AAAAAAAAATk/iiPKD_lsEuM/image_thumb%5B5%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="179" border="0" /></a> Hitler-worshipping Neo-Nazi who would ultimately like to overthrow the United States government: acceptable</p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku5E42ml5I/AAAAAAAAATo/cSYS16-a3e0/s1600-h/image%5B20%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sku5GR3wbhI/AAAAAAAAATs/4fFRlnBWiy8/image_thumb%5B6%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="179" border="0" /></a> John Amaechi: unacceptable</p> <p>So where do we draw the line? Do we let child molesters in, but only if they target little girls and not little boys? Do we allow "rehabilitated" gays serve our country?</p> <p>I view the ability to volunteer for military service as one of the liberties that makes this country great. The military is one of the ways for people to rise to power from nothing, both historically and in modern times. It is against the American spirit to deny this avenue to capable men and women.</p> <p>For every gay person we accept in the military, there's one less moral waiver we have to use and one more person fighting so I don't have to.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-87350483151258775922009-06-28T12:19:00.001-05:002009-06-28T12:19:58.079-05:00They come in fours<p>Now who's going to yell at me through my TV screen?</p> <p>First Ed McMahon dies. Then Farrah Fawcett. Then Michael Jackson. Next to go is <a href="http://deadspin.com/5303387/billy-mays-dead-at-50" target="_blank">Billy Mays</a>.</p> <p>He yelled a lot, but Mays seemed like a nice enough guy. Much better than <a href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html" target="_blank">Vince the Shamwow Guy</a>.</p> <p> </p> <p>Here's a recent clip of Billy Mays, with fellow pitchman Anthony Sullivan, on <em>The Tonight Show</em>. Because they needed to find a way to sell me crap on late night network TV in addition to their cable infomercial empire. <div class="wlWriterSmartContent" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:fb775b6b-6fdd-423b-8b88-af58003e53ca" style="padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-top: 0px"><div><object width="512" height="296"><param name="movie" value="http://www.hulu.com/embed/LtnpVBP7tlDrDivLCNrcQg"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.hulu.com/embed/LtnpVBP7tlDrDivLCNrcQg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" width="512" height="296"></embed></object></div></div> </p> <p>Man, that guy could sell ice to an Eskimo, but he never could sell me shitty orange-scented cleaning products.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-21269542872118767572009-06-09T22:35:00.001-05:002009-06-09T22:35:13.305-05:00Adam and Sean Text the Royals<p>I just had a texting conversation about the Royals and the MLB draft with my friend Sean, which he posted over at his <a href="http://www.124monkeys.com" target="_blank">blog</a>. If you want to read our ramblings, <a href="http://www.124monkeys.com/royals/2009/06/adam-and-sean-text-the-royals/" target="_blank">click on through.</a></p> <p>This is a change for me because I'm pretty sure he has more than the two readers I get.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-61849514929698468132009-05-04T16:43:00.001-05:002009-05-05T11:45:41.813-05:00Adventures with streaming video<p>*<em>Now with updates to try to fix my inability to post correctly.</em></p> <p>This is the conclusion I have come to after two weeks of trying, and occasionally succeeding, to use the streaming video application.</p> <p>If I have failed to correctly use the service in some way, it is not for lack of trying. I went so far as to e-mail Bob Bowman, the President and CEO of MLB Advanced Media, a strategy that yielded surprisingly fast results.</p> <p>Two weeks ago, I signed up to pay 20 bucks per month to use "mlb.tv premium." This would give me access to home and away video feeds to all games, as well as both radio feeds and highlights packages. The games would have "nexdef" feeds, which is MLB's term for high definition streaming video. Or at least that was what was advertised. </p> <p>The point of this is that I am a huge baseball fan rooting for a team based in Kansas City while living in California. Also, I do not have cable or satellite TV so I cannot get the MLB Extra Innings package. Instead, I figured I would get mlb.tv and stream it to my TV with an HDMI cord, something I do with streaming video frequently. My Internet connection is generally good enough to support video, especially with a special program and client installed for this expressed purpose. (A program, I might add, that inserted itself in the "startup" folder on my laptop and is meant to run in the background at all times. I find this disconcerting and shady.) I should add that I rarely have problems watching games on espn360.com and that I watched most of the NCAA tournament online at mmod.ncaa.com, so I know it's possible to watch live sports feeds on my laptop in my living room.</p> <p>I have not been able to watch a single game in "nexdef" so far. The stream comes in too fragmented and slowly. Several times per game it crashes my browser. Because the stream was so fragmented, the actual game would be several minutes ahead of the footage I was seeing. When I restarted my browser, I would find that I've missed several minutes or even innings of a game. </p> <p>I have not been able to watch a single game in high definition. This is despite of some of the worst customer service I have ever encountered, followed by some of the best customer service I have ever encountered.  </p> <p>The bad customer support came when I called mlb.tv's customer support phone number. I called twice on the same day and talked to three people, all of whom recommended the same troubleshooting steps in the same order, none of which helped. These were steps that had me do things like check the cache capacity on my Internet browser and make sure that I have indeed installed all <em>three</em> necessary programs to use mlb.tv -- Silverlight, Adobe Flash Player, and the mlb.tv nexdef plug-in. The customer service reps could not offer more help than that, and when I pressed them for something else, they pushed back rudely. Apparently they were given a list of steps to recommend but are in fact less tech-savvy than I am (and I am not exactly an IT professional). In other words, if they would just give me that list of steps, I would not have to waste my time, patience, or cell phone minutes talking to people in a call center.</p> <p>I was especially pissed at the rudeness that the third call center employee displayed when I asked for more help, then asked to speak to another employee. She said to me, "You can speak to someone else, but they're just going to tell you the same things. So you might as well listen to me." She then read from a card the steps to check that my Internet was indeed plugged in, and did so in a condescending tone.</p> <p>I also had e-mail conversations with the mlb.tv help crew. I only called when I found the e-mail conversations lacking and one-sided. Let me reproduce those e-mail conversations below. I wrote this first e-mail after a game I was watching crashed in the eighth inning with a tie score.</p> <blockquote> <p>To whom it may concern: </p> <p>I am a mlb.tv premium subscriber. Today the games are not streaming. My high-speed Internet connection is otherwise working well, so I have to assume the problem is on your end. Please resolve the problem so I can watch today's games.</p> <p>(signature)</p> <p>Dear Adam,</p> <p>Thank you for sending your email. I apologize for the difficulty experienced. Please call our customer service department at 1-866-800-1275 so we can do some troubleshooting and improve your experience. Thank you for taking the time to write!</p> <p>To whom it may concern:</p> <p>Thank you for replying, but let me point out that I spent an hour on the phone "troubleshooting" yesterday and got nowhere. Three members of your support staff ran me through the same half dozen or so steps. It became clear that I know much more about how the software works than your support staff and that they are trained to tell me the same things in the same order, regardless of its relevance to this particular situation.</p> <p>I do not want to spend more time on the phone listening to rude people tell me to "right click on the application, click on the folder icon, and slide the bar over to 10MB," then "turn off my computer, unplug my Internet connection and plug it back in when the computer restarts." Each of three people told me these steps yesterday, among other, similarly asinine fixes. Nothing was accomplished. the customer support was no more than people reading a list of FAQs to me. I don't need to call for that.</p> <p>I have still yet to be able to watch one entire game in one sitting. The quality of the stream ranges from mediocre to poor when I do watch. This occurs on multiple computers in different places with different Internet access.</p> <p>I am disappointed in your product.</p> <p>(signature)</p> <p>Dear Customer:<em> (note they stopped using my name here)</em></p> <p>In an effort to provide you with the best viewing experience MLB.com has been making upgrades to our 2009 Media Player. We apologize for any inconvenience that this has caused you in accessing the games.</p> <p>We continue to be committed to our customers and thank you for your patience as we make enhancements to our Media Player. <br /><font face="Times"></font></p> </blockquote> <p>This is not exactly personalized support. I'd be surprised if anyone actually read my e-mails beyond the subject line of "Games not streaming." So, I did the only reasonable thing: I e-mailed the CEO.</p> <p>It's surprisingly easy to find the e-mail address of most corporate types. It took about two minutes to find Robert Bowman's e-mail address: one to find his name and one to find the correct e-mail address. Google is a wonderful tool.</p> <p>For those who are wondering, the address is <a href="mailto:bob.bowman@mlb.com">bob.bowman@mlb.com</a>. </p> <p>I sent Mr. Bowman this e-mail:</p> <blockquote> <p>Mr. Bowman: <br />I do not know if you will actually see this e-mail, but I figured that it is worth a try. You were listed online as the person in charge of MLBAM. I hope I am not mistaken in assuming my concerns are in your jurisdiction. <br />My name is Adam Ross. I am an mlb.tv premium subscriber, but I have had problems with the player since signing up last week. <br />I have not been able to watch an entire game without long delays and often I cannot get any picture at all. I have called and e-mailed customer support, but so far the help has been non-existent. At the bottom of this e-mail, I have cut and pasted the e-mail back-and-forth with a representative, should you want to read it. <br />If I can sum up the experience, I would say that the application does not do what I have paid for, the customer service reps on the phone are rude and unable to help, and the customer service reps who have e-mailed me are more interested in getting me to shut up than they are in actually solving anything. <br />I do not like to complain. All I want is to be able to watch the Royals from California while I am home with the flu and out of work. <br />This is no better than my previous experience with mlb.tv. While in college I bought a month but canceled when I went back to KC for the summer. It took me an hour waiting on hold to cancel, otherwise my credit card would have been automatically billed. I assume this is unintentional, but I still find it unfair. I hoped the business changed as it grew, but so far I am disappointed. <br />Thank you for your time, </p> <p>(signature)</p> </blockquote> <p>Within an hour, I got a phone call from a member of the MLBAM IT department. He was calling me from his commute home from work in NYC, not from the call center in Houston I had called before. He didn't acknowledge that I had e-mailed his boss' boss but he did acknowledge during conversation details of that e-mail above. </p> <p>Let that be a lesson. Good customer support still exists. You just have to ruffle the right feathers. </p> <p>This was last Thursday. On Friday I spoke to two IT guys late in the day, but they called me as I was headed out the door and they failed to get anything accomplished. </p> <p>It can be a little intimidating talking to well-informed IT guys. I found that they had all my contact information, my past history in doing business with the company, and my phone number that I don't remember giving anyone.</p> <p>I spent two hours dealing with mlb.tv on Saturday. On of the IT guys, Kushal Patel out of NYC, called me on my cell and hijacked control of my computer (with my consent) through livemeeting.com. </p> <p>The problem has not yet been resolved, though not through lack of effort. So far Mr. Patel wants to blame my Internet Service Provider, but that fails to address how I can still watch espn360 but not mlb.tv.</p> <p>In fact, it only got worse over the weekend. For some reason, mlb.tv thinks I am in Minnesota, as it blacked me out of the series between Kansas City and Minnesota. </p> <p>I am awaiting further contact with Mr. Patel. I am not anticipating getting this service to work for me. It's a shame, really. Here MLB has a product that not only am I willing to pay for, but I am <em>begging</em> them to <em>help</em> me get it so I can pay for it, yet they are failing. </p> <p>If mlb.tv loses me as a customer, its business model is in serious trouble. I am relatively Internet-savvy, I am a huge baseball fan, and I am willing to shell out $20 per month to watch my team.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-70803466745323790792009-04-30T12:18:00.001-05:002009-04-30T12:18:35.952-05:00They call him "Bitch Tits"<p>There is a scene at the end of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087507/" target="_blank"><em>Johnny Dangerously</em></a><em>* </em>where the titular character, former mobster and current pet store owner Johnny tells a boy not to go into crime, because crime doesn't pay. He then climbs into one of a procession of stretch limos, sits next to his beautiful wife, and says something like, "well, maybe it pays a little."</p> <p>*<em>Did you know your last name's an adverb?</em></p> <p>I bring this up because Selena Roberts' book on Alex Rodriguez <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/04/29/2009-04-29_arod_on_roids_for_years_new_book_claims_juiced_with_yanks__even_as_a_teen_source.html" target="_blank">apparently</a> accuses A-Rod of using steroids since high school. Also, there are <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4114292" target="_blank">reports</a> that he used much longer than he previously admitted to, including time with the Yankees.</p> <p>All of this was meant to turn this: </p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfndU6h3KjI/AAAAAAAAASs/evTcOL1k8Fs/s1600-h/image%5B5%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfndWLbzbII/AAAAAAAAASw/xXgcXoXQ3nc/image_thumb%5B1%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="188" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>into this: </p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfndZPFPSsI/AAAAAAAAAS0/X-K10RBe_qQ/s1600-h/image%5B8%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Sfnda-_GlaI/AAAAAAAAAS8/bVnoZcFLSGY/image_thumb%5B2%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="174" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I would like to point the money Alex Rodriguez is owed by the Yankees, courtesy of <a href="http://mlbcontracts.blogspot.com/2005/01/new-york-yankees_111398168678860040.html" target="_blank">Cot's</a>.</p> <blockquote> <p>Alex Rodriguez 3b <br />10 years/$275M (2008-17)</p> <ul> <li>10 years/$275M (2008-17) <ul> <li>re-signed by Yankees as a free agent 12/13/07</li> <li>$10M signing bonus ($2M paid upon approval, $1M paid each Jan. 15, 2009-2013, $3M paid Jan. 15, 2014)</li> <li>08:$27M, 09:$32M, 10:$32M, 11:$31M, 12:$29M, 13:$28M, 14:$25M, 15:$21M, 16:$20M, 17:$20M</li> <li>$30M marketing agreement based on home run milestones ($6M each for reaching 660, 714, 755 and tying and breaking major league HR record)</li> <li>no-trade protection</li> <li>perks: may purchase 4 best available season tickets for 2008, 4 Legends Suite or comparable season tickets for 2009-17</li> <li>Texas obligated to fund $9M as part of deferred compensation provision in previous contract (to be paid with interest in $3M increments in 2008, 2009 & 2010)</li> </ul> </li> </ul> <p> </p> </blockquote> <p>That's right. Including this season, the Yankees owe A-Rod $258 million, with more if he hits home run milestones. </p> <p>But crime doesn't pay.</p> <p>Also, the 2005 Yankees gave A-Rod a <a href="http://deadspin.com/5234081/alex-rodriguez-on-steroids-since-high-school" target="_blank">nickname</a>: Bitch Tits. Which marks the first time I've used the term "Bitch Tits" since my first post. </p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-33956624793936877202009-04-29T16:02:00.001-05:002009-04-29T16:02:24.063-05:00Things to do when you're unemployed<h4>Live out your frustrations vicariously through the world around you</h4> <p>Kids today. With their rap music and their iPods and their Twittering. They're what's wrong with America. They're why I can't get work.</p> <p>What? The Chiefs took <em>who</em> with their first pick? Those bastards. I could be a better general manager than the prick they hired. And I look better in a tee shirt.</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfjAOVQMmyI/AAAAAAAAASc/XB3uEU50mb4/s1600-h/image%5B2%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="image" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfjAP5GGCtI/AAAAAAAAASg/MUu_7KUEvdE/image_thumb.png?imgmax=800" width="186" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Where was I? Oh, right, what's wrong with the world today. I blame those lousy Democrats/Republicans/Socialists/Whigs*. Dragging the economy down and...</p> <p><em>*Ed. Note: Pick whichever you like the least.</em></p> <p>Shit. Did you see the cover of People? Sean Penn and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0003783/" target="_blank">Princess Buttercup</a> are getting separated. If two people like that can't make it in this crazy world, what chance is there for me? Maybe things would've been better if he weren't such a Commie Pinko Leftist and she'd made a relevant movie in the past fifteen years. </p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfjAVLfTPPI/AAAAAAAAASk/8vkJ_hMzqxQ/s1600-h/image%5B6%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="289" alt="image" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/SfjAX0jiqWI/AAAAAAAAASo/1CGT_U3SgCE/image_thumb%5B2%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="350" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Dammit! The Royals just put in Kyle Farnsworth. Maybe if that tool had one more tribal arm tattoo he'd be a better pitcher. Shit, I could earn his $4.5 million per year if all I had to do was suck and lose a game every week. Hell, I'd do it for half. And I wouldn't be a <a href="http://deadspin.com/5031431/kyle-farnsworth-wears-camo-spanx-apparently" target="_blank">complete</a> <a href="http://deadspin.com/126277/on-the-dl-that-drunk-impregnating-farnsworth" target="_blank">tool</a> while doing so. </p> <p>Wait, sorry, I lost my train of thought. Oh, right. Those dirty Jews gave us the swine flu as punishment for eating pork. I can't help it! Bacon is delicious. I mean, what's next? Hind-quarters-of-the-cow colds? Mutated genes caused by putting cheese on my chicken breasts?</p> <p>Aw, fuck it. There's baseball on. That ought to pass the time until the next apocalypse.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-25916653300168542552009-04-22T14:05:00.001-05:002009-04-22T14:05:34.893-05:00Failed Business Models: Satellite Radio<p>A share of Sirius XM is now selling for $0.41. You could buy a round lot for $41. I would advise against that.</p> <p>Background: I got an XM receiver about two years ago from Circuit City (remember them?). Let me first tell you the things it did well: gave me more options of radio stations to flip through while driving, with fewer commercials.</p> <p>Ok, now that I've listed the good things, I can get to the meat of this post. XM advertised "commercial-free music," but what they didn't mention is that only about half of its channels were commercial-free. About half of those were just an iPod in the XM studios set to "shuffle" with a large playlist, whereas half had actual DJs who played the same stuff you get on local radio. That's fine, there were some music channels I liked that had more variety than I heard in Kansas City.</p> <p>The other half the channels had commercials. Some have lots of commercials, like CNN Radio, which is really just a feed from CNN's TV without the images. </p> <p>The quality of sound isn't as good as expected, either, mostly because the XM receiver does not hook directly up to my speakers. I had to buy and adaptor that sent out the XM signal into radio waves that my car antenna picked up. This diluted sound quality and also forced me to occasionally change the FM frequency depending on the frequency of local radio stations. Some busy metropolitan areas that I drove through have few empty frequencies, meaning XM becomes more or less useless. Combine that with XM's inability to work when surrounded by tall buildings or, bizarrely, on highway on-ramps, and it's a wonder they sell any radios to people in cities. </p> <p>The biggest selling point for XM over Sirius (back when they were separate companies) was the promise of MLB baseball broadcasts. All of them. I don't spend three hours at a time in my car, but the receiver I bought came with a home stereo. I could take the receiver out of the cradle in my car and plug it into the stereo for my listening pleasure. After the merger with Sirius, however, my home receiver no longer works. It's now just a shitty CD player that uses a lot of power and has extra wires. It sits in my closet for months at a time.</p> <p>Of course, the stereo was shoddily made anyway. The part where the XM receiver plugs in has too many moving parts. It resembles more of the original spring-loaded cartridge system of the NES, rather than the top-mounted simplicity of the Super NES. </p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Se9qdEZ6mcI/AAAAAAAAASM/UN6I4Hr9KEI/s1600-h/image%5B2%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="114" alt="image" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Se9qdkKgG4I/AAAAAAAAASQ/sbvD7VH6G7Q/image_thumb.png?imgmax=800" width="138" border="0" /></a> </p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Se9qe62oh0I/AAAAAAAAASU/W2eK2AprQCc/s1600-h/image%5B5%5D.png"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="183" alt="image" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_1nLfMx9PGDQ/Se9qfUzX97I/AAAAAAAAASY/EsJeI4bxEXo/image_thumb%5B1%5D.png?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Not only was the stereo shoddily made, but so was the XM receiver and the dock mounted in my car. The dock rattles noisily whenever I drive at speeds over 50 miles per hour, which I do on the highway, through school zones, in parking lots, and after too many drinks*. The receiver lost its main "do everything" button after being taken back and forth from my car to my shitty stereo too often, so now I can't do simple things like change the FM frequency. </p> <p>*<em>Parts of this statement may not be true. There is too much traffic to hit 50 on the highway since I moved to California, for instance.</em> </p> <p>The Sirius merger was supposed to come with better stations. Instead, it changed the stations all just a little bit, to something often less tolerable. For instance, my favorite '90s rock station changed to something that plays Creed. That's not cool. All the good stuff Sirius had that XM didn't, like football and Howard Stern, is part of a pricier premium package. Also, they have now started to charge for subscribers to listen to streaming Internet feeds, something that used to be free. So, given that my shitty stereo no longer works, I can't listen to baseball unless I'm in my car unless I decide to pony up more cash.</p> <p>I paid $300 all told for the XM receiver and car installation. I have to view that as a sunk cost. XM is no longer worth the monthly rate. And if Sirius XM is losing the customers it already has, what does that say for its future as a business?</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-23316309001386945082009-04-14T14:26:00.001-05:002009-04-14T14:26:53.645-05:00The Voice<p>Harry Kalas died yesterday. He was the voice of the Philadelphia Phillies and of NFL Flims, among other things. I never was a Philly fan so I can't say I listened to that much of him, but through NFL films and lots of ESPN I can say that I am familiar with the man. And I'll tell you this: when I first saw the man on TV it was very disconcerting. He was the voice. He had no face. No man could possibly have a voice that perfect for radio. </p> <p>It's not that he had an ugly face. Far from it. It's just that man was not created to have a voice like that. Picture the old NFL films highlight reels. That's his voice, like a god from the heavens.</p> <p>It's always disconcerting to see the faces that go with the voices. I am family friends with the voice of (among many other things) movie previews, Kris Stevens*. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm close with the man, as I haven't seen him in years, but he has had a couple of Thanksgiving dinners that my mother prepared. It feels a bit weird for me to see the voice behind, "In a time where the world is near an end. In a place only acclaimed director Michael Bay can bring us...."</p> <p>*<em>Not the guy from the Geico commercials. His competitor.</em></p> <p>Of course, Harry Kalas' ability to distance himself from his subject is part of what made him great. He was able to provide the voice, the tenor, and the feeling of the game without intruding. The action took precedence over him. As a Kansas City fan, I've spent countless hours listening to Denny Matthews on the radio. He could tell great, interesting stories about players and people he's met, but I still have no idea what Matthews' personality is like. And that's the point and part of what makes Matthews a brilliant radio announcer. He doesn't have Kalas' voice, but no one does. Matthews tells a game in the most minimalist fashion, letting the tone of his voice tell us how high the fly balls are hit and the sound of the bat how hard.</p> <p>In recent years, the Royals have paired Matthews with either Ryan LeFebvre or Bob White. Neither has been quite right. LeFebvre inserts too much of his personality on the game. It seems like he reminds us every other inning who he is. White gets too excited over little things. As in, "Sizemore pops the ball up near third base. Alex Gordon is calling for it. And he MAKES THE CATCH!!!!! WOW!!!!"</p> <p>There are games where Matthews takes a day off to rest his voice or for personal reasons and these games never feel the same to listen to. I can imagine how hard it will be for Philly fans for the rest of this season. Good thing they won that World Series last year. They got an extra postseason of the voice. </p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8345411816730154803.post-77823698133168182002009-04-12T23:38:00.001-05:002009-04-12T23:38:03.583-05:00The swirling vortex of suck<p>Sometimes I wonder why I don't like watching golf more than I do. Today is not one of those days.</p> <p>I spent most of the afternoon watching the final round of the Masters with my dad. Apparently this is being considered one of the most riveting Masters* in years. I saw three fat guys engage in a competition of whoever sucks less, gets the green jacket**.</p> <p><em>*How do the people running The Masters use the name of their tournament in a sentence? Is it one of the most riveting </em>The<em> Masters in years?</em></p> <p>**<em>My dad is colorblind. I could probably convince him that the green jacket is actually brown, and the name is based on doing well on the greens in Augusta. And that Greenland is actually green. <br /></em></p> <p>Let's recap: Kenny Perry, the fat 48-year-old, had a two stroke lead with two holes to play. He bogeyed both of them, leading to a manage-a-trois repeat of the 18th hole with two other somewhat rotund golfers, Angel Cabrera and Chad Campbell. Cabrera survived the worst tee shot of the day when neither Perry nor Campbell could make a fucking shot. Campbell bowed out after that hole because he can't putt, either. </p> <p>How on earth these guys beat Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson in this tournament is beyond me. I take that back. I know how Phil lost. He got too cute on a par-3 and knocked his ball into the water, taking a double bogey. </p> <p>Perry then found a way to make another bogey on the next hole, a one-on-one rematch of the tenth. Cabrera didn't win so much as everyone else lost.</p> <p>I could've spent the day watching the Royals' dramatic comeback win over the Yankees, but my dad likes golf and I was in his living room. The good news is that the Royals will still be there tomorrow, and I'll be at the game. So unless they show golf on that giant fucking big screen in center field, I think I'm safe from the swirling vortex of suck brought upon us by Kenny Perry and Augusta, Georgia.</p> Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02997068139612601851noreply@blogger.com0